Jasper Leo Kahn

I awoke on September 25th around 10am feeling mild contractions, very much like the Braxton and hicks contractions I always felt. Tyler was still asleep beside me, and I didn’t want to wake him, but I did notice the contractions being more consistent than usual. After we got up and out of bed we went about our day as usual. I had an appointment at 3:00 at the birth center, already scheduled on that day, so around 2:30 we left the house. By the time we got to the center, my contractions were clearly very consistent. Tyler and Angela, our midwife started to time them…they were 4 to 5 minutes apart. Angela decided to check my cervix. I was 1 to 2 centimeters dilated. Angela said that I would probably have the baby within the week, but not that night. She said she would be “shocked” if I had the baby that night.
That night Tyler and I had a nice dinner together that he made. After dinner Tyler worked on one of his wraps while I lay on the daybed relaxing and reading to him. At around 8 pm while I was reading, I felt a sudden pop and a gush of warm water flow out of me. I told Tyler that my water had just broken…he jumped up and grabbed a towel for me, called Angela and my parents, then walked back and forth franticly. I stayed lying on the daybed for about ten minutes feeling the reality of the moment. Within 24 hours I will finally meet my baby!!! The moment we had so patiently been waiting for finally had arrived…my body was filled with excitement. Tyler called the others who were invited to attend the birth, and I called Quendi who was in downtown L.A. Mama and Papa arrived shortly after Tyler called them, and the four of us started preparing the house for the birth. They all kept telling me to rest, but I couldn’t, I was feeling to anxious. Tyler and papa set up the pool, while mama and I set up the bedroom. I got into the shower to relax and freshen up and prepare myself for the biggest moment in my life. I put on a black bikini top and a little black dress. Papa was timing my contractions witch were 2 minutes apart and about 40 seconds long. After the pool was set, the bed was made, and the house prepared, mama and papa left to try to get some rest.
While Tyler was in the baby’s room praying, I sat on my yoga ball in front of my altar, which had the statue of Jesus. Papa had just brought it back from Bahia and surprised me with it a few days earlier. It was truly amazing to be sitting right in front of this statue, which to me was always associated with vovó Diva and vovo Julio’s house, and which also played such an important roll in my own birth. And even more amazing was seeing the statue here in person after the extremely powerful dream I had with Jesus and this particular statue a few weeks ago. So in this moment that I was alone, I took the opportunity to connect to the Christ energy through the statue, and to connect to the baby. I prayed for a smooth birth…and in that moment, I felt faith in myself, my body and my baby, and I knew that all would go well, because there was no fear present, just faith. I went to lie on the bed and my contractions seemed to be intensifying,, with each one I lost lots of amniotic fluid. We decided to call everyone who was going to attend to let them know that I seemed to be progressing. Mama, Papa, and Tashi arrived shortly. Mama lit the beeswax candles we had set up in the room. I was still lying sideways across the bed, and mama sat on the floor near my head and played a crystal bowl for me. This helped me get through the contractions, as the rhythm of the crystal bowl seemed in sync with my contractions. Melanie our doula was the first to arrive. I was so happy to see her. Then Catherine one of our midwives arrived around midnight. Catherine came into the room and gave me a big hug, then she sat on the floor next to the bed. While I lay there in the candlelight she said “there is nothing more beautiful then a woman in labor”. This comment really helped me to fully appreciate the moment I was experiencing, because I realized how rare of a moment it was. The beauty was in bringing a new life onto this earth, a moment I may experience only once in this lifetime. Shortly Quendi arrived, then Angela our other midwife, sand Kathy, Tyler’s mom arrived. I was greeted by everyone with so much love and I felt so much support from everyone. The house quickly turned into a festive mode with so many people in such a small space, and with such a wonderful occasion to celebrate. Tyler came and sat next to me for a while. We listened to the crystal bowl, and I smelled the red velvet pillow filled with lavender that mama made for me. I concentrated on the 10-centimeter circle that was sown onto the pillow, to remind me of how big my cervix needed to open up to. This visualization really helped me focus. After a while I decided to try out the pool that Tyler and Papa had set up for me. The pool was a beautiful one…transparent on the sides with colorful fish all around, and white on the bottom. The hot water felt very soothing and the soft bottom and sides of the pool were very comfortable. As my contractions intensified I found that the heat from the water made me feel really nauseous. I decided to get out and Melanie suggested that I walk around. I tried walking and leaning on people when a contraction came on. I found it very hard to walk as my contractions intensified. We made it to the bathroom and Melanie suggested I take a shower with Tyler. So Tyler started preparing the shower while I leaned on mama during a contraction. It felt so nice to have her there for me, supporting my birthing process one hundred percent. As my contractions intensified I decided I didn’t want a shower, I just wanted to lie down. Standing became too difficult. So we went into the bedroom and I laid down on the bed. Tyler came and laid next to me. He was holding me, and I would cling onto him during each contraction. Now the contractions seemed to be getting unbearable. Angela came in the room to examine my cervix. She said I was only at three centimeters. She told me I needed to rest, that I needed to try to sleep for about four hours. This was terrible news, there was no way I could sleep. My contractions were too intense; I couldn’t imagine sleeping, or them getting any worse. She offered me a narcotic that she said would help me sleep and also help with the pain of the contractions. I told here I would think about it. It was tempting, but in my mind I knew it would be wrong, and in my heart I knew I would regret it. I wanted to feel the experience of giving birth without anything altering the natural progression. Angela told everyone to leave the room and also get some rest. Tyler and I were left alone in the darkness. It felt nice to be alone with him, to experience the moment we had been preparing for together. At this point the contractions were so intense, I could hardly believe they could get any worse. In-between contractions, I dreaded thinking about anouther one coming on. Melanie came into the room and she sat on the floor next to the bed. She rubbed my back as I held onto Tyler, feeling his love and support. My body started to get really tense with each contraction and Melanie would say, “ they are like waves on the beach, they come and go…this one will pass”. Or she would say, “when this one passes you will have one less to go”. She really helped me get through each contraction as they came. One particular thing she kept saying to me that really helped was “ your body will not give you anything you cannot handle”. This I really believed. She would say “ your contractions are strong because you are strong”. This really gave me the confidence to continue moving through them. I decided to get up and make my way to the bathroom in between a contraction. Tyler helped me up and we started walking. When we got to the door of the room, I had the strongest contraction yet…and I felt a slight urge to push. After it passed we continued on our way to the bathroom. Tyler was holding me the whole way, and I didn’t want to ever let go of him. By the time we got to the bathroom, the next contraction had intensified so much, that I not only felt an intense urge to push, I also used my voice as I pushed. I don’t think I was quite screaming, it was more like a pushing with a lot of force noise. At that point, the midwifes immediately got up. They suspected by the sounds I was making, that I was in the last stage of labor. I couldn’t believe how powerful the force that was taking over my body felt. There was a moment when I thought about all the women who have given birth before me, and I thought about my grandmothers, and especially about my own mother. This experience is one that connects all women who have given birth, and in that moment that thought gave me courage. Mama reminded me that with my birth she had dilated to 10cm from 4cm in half an hour.
It had only been about 40 minutes since my last exam, but Angela wanted to check my dilation again. She checked me while I was standing in the hall. I was 10cm, fully dilated…Angela said “ you are having this baby right now!!!” At this point everyone was up, but I was oblivious to the commotion. All I could concentrate on was getting through the contractions that seemed to take over my entire body. I wanted to go back to the bed, and lie down. The pain was overwhelming and I could barely stand or walk. Tyler and mama helped me through the hallway back to the room. Once in the room, I collapsed on the edge of the bed. Everyone was trying to get me to scoot up higher on the bed, but I felt incapable of moving my body. The midwifes said that the baby would be born falling on the floor if I didn’t scoot up. Tyler pulled me up halfway onto his lap, and mama held my left leg. Angela and Catherine were on the floor directly in front of me. The rest of the family was in the room, but I was not aware of their positions in the room. The only thing I was really aware of was the overwhelming power that was taking over my body. I could hear myself, and I could feel myself pushing, but these things were happening on their own. It was my body taking over, my mind was merely a witness to this astounding event taking place within my body. I thought of the baby, and the journey it was undertaking. On the next push I felt my skin stretching beyond what felt humanly possible. I remember asking if the head was out yet….because it sure felt like something had to have come out. Not yet…I pushed again. Again it felt like I was stretching beyond the capacity of my body. Everyone started saying they could see the top of the head starting to show. Angela said, “reach down and feel your babies head”. I tried, but I could not, all the energy in my body was going towards pushing. I think it was on the fifth push that I decided I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and that I would push with every bit of strength I had left in me. I pushed, and I felt like my body was splitting open, and the next thing that happened was the midwives handing me the most perfect beautiful baby I had ever seen. I was in total shock that it was over that quickly. My body was shaky and weak, and as I pulled the baby up closer to my chest, Tyler motioned for me to look at the sex of the baby, I was so overwhelmed with the experience, I had forgotten to look. A boy!!!! A beautiful boy!!! He cried a little, and he breathed and sneezed immediately. Papa had checked the time, He was born exactly at 4 am. Not a minute before or a minute after. He was pink from the beginning, and he peed within a minute. It was love at first sight. We were covered in receiving blankets, a little cap was put on his head and I could not stop looking at his tiny little face. Holding him in my arms at last felt so surreal, it was like a wonderful dream. I didn’t try to nurse him immediately, but when I did, we had no problems. While we lied there together, the midwives told me to try to push out the placenta. This last part was very annoying to me, I wanted to be done pushing. When it finally came out, I felt so relieved to finally be done. Angela was showing everyone the placenta and the sack were the baby had lived for the last nine months. From my angle I didn’t have a really clear view, and I really wanted to see, but I didn’t have enough energy to sit up. Angela checked me for tears. I had none, I was surprised, I thought I had torn for sure. I was very grateful that I didn’t. They then took the baby to cut the umbilical cord, and do the infant tests. The baby started making the most amazing sounds I have ever heard. He was cooing and singing in such a magical way. Everyone in the room was enchanted by him. It was as though he was communicating to us his joy to be here. It was so beautiful. His joyous sounds brought tears to my eyes and I kept saying how much I loved him. Tyler weighed the baby, he was 6 pounds 8 ounces. Angela measured him, he was 19 inches long. They told me to take a shower while they finish the tests, clean the baby and dress him. I felt so in love with him, I didn’t want to leave. But I did, and it felt good to get cleaned up. When I came back the baby was all dressed and wrapped in a receiving blanket. He was still making his magical sounds. The first time he opened his eyes, and he looked at me, is truly an indescribable feeling. Miniature eyes like mine gazing at me for the first time…. my baby was here at last, and he was so peaceful, an angel of pure love. I could easily say that it was the best day of my life.