Sunday, November 16, 2008
Nannie Bear
These few photos are dedicated to my grandmother "Nannie" (Tyler's grandmother), who passed away two years ago.. The teddy bear that Jasper is with in these photos is made of her old clothing and carries her spirit. It surely will keep him safe as she looks over him through it...
jasper's bath..
We had to post some photos of Jasper in his bath.. This is his absolute favorite thing to do.. (besides breaking wind, and sucking on mama's nipple)...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Daddy's birth Story
On September 26th, 2008, at exactly 4 am, a bright light was born in to this world. At 6 pounds 8 ounces and 19 inches long, our baby boy, Jasper Leo Kahn, made his first contact with the world outside the womb in which he was gestating for a long time. Yavanna and I choose to have the birth at our house in Laguna Beach, California, with professional midwifes from the South Coast Midwifery Center. The birthing could not have gone better than it did. At 8 pm on Thursday the 25th, Yavanna and I were reading to each other in our living room. She had been having minor but consistent contractions all day and we visited the midwifes early to have her examined. During the examination they said she was only 2 centimeters dilated and would most likely not have the child for at least a few days, most likely a week. So, we were a little surprised that when we were sitting in our living room that very evening, and Yavanna's water broke! The ultimate sign that the baby was coming now. Of course, my heart skipped a beat and all the calmness that I thought I would be embodying became a distant notion, and I frantically paced around the house forgetting what I was doing every time I tried to accomplish something. Thankfully that only lasted a few moments before I was able to regain my thoughts and get in touch with the midwifes to let them know that indeed we were having the child soon as Yavanna's amniotic fluid now was pouring profusely from her body! And so after calling Yavanna's family, whom live up the street from us, my mother, all of whom were to be attending the birth, and our friend Melanie, our doula, to let them know to come soon to help clean and prepare the house for the big moment that we have been waiting eagerly for for 39 weeks. In the meantime Yavanna took a shower and got in to some comfortable clothing and I instantly started cleaning up the house and arraigning the birthing supplies that we had procured over the previous month. Brian and Kendra, Yavanna's parents, came down and help clean the house and set up the birthing tub, which by the way was beautifully adorned with a colorful cartoon under water fish scene, and during which I was attempting to keep up with the timing of Yavanna's contractions, which seemed to be intensifying in both duration and strength. After getting the house completely spotless, Brian and Kendra returned to their house to rest until the contractions got closer, which was only about and hour or two... During this time, I meditated and prayed in my own personal preparation for the birth, and Yavanna tried to rest, however the she seemed excited and anxious and kept herself busy doing things that she deemed important preperation. At about midnight, the midwife armada, being Angela and Katherine, arrived in force as Yavanna's contractions were indicative of a quickly developing labor. Brian, Kendra, Yavanna's sisters Quendi and Natasha, my Mother Kathy, and the our doula / friend Melanie arrived around the same time. Suddenly our house seemed like a lively party as food was being made and people seemed all over our little house conversing and of course preparing for the birth. Yavanna, got in to the birthing tub for a little while but felt like it was making her tired so she decided to go to the bedroom to lay down for a while. At about 2 am Yavanna was examined. We were thinking that because she was having such strong contractions and so consistently now for a while that she must be somewhere around 5 or 6 centimeters dilated (10 being fully dilated meaning the baby was coming through the birth canal). Somewhat disappointing to us was the news that she was only 3 to 4 centimeters dilated, meaning that most likely she had a long way to go. The midwife suggested that we sleep for some hours or rest at least as she believed that it was going to be at least 4 hours before she was to progress much farther. Yavanna, whom was already shocked at the physical sensation of the strong contractions naturally became a bit worried, saying things like "am I really going to do this" and "I don't know if I can wait that long". Everyone left us alone in the room and we turned off all the lights. She was like, "there is no way that I could possibly rest" considering that her contractions were very painful and happening every 2 minutes or so. I told her to meditate on the circle in her mind's eye of 10 centimeters to help facilitate the mind body connection in extending her cervix. In the darkness of the room my own mind's eye seemed be dilated with subtle yet complex hallucinations of spiraling and unfolding complex geometric symbols and formations. I thought this was a blessing and for certain an omen of a special being coming in to this world. We had decided to not find out the gender of our baby during our one ultrasound examination around 4 months of the pregnancy. Regardless of the mystery, I had three very vivid dreams that involved our child, and every time it was a boy.. One time he even had a dirty diaper that needed changing and I awoke in a slight fear... little did I know how very real the dirty diaper reality was to become.. lol. .. Soooo.. I was certain that we were going to have a boy, but I did not try to press my opinion to much. In the darkness of our bedroom, I massaged Yavanna during her contractions and wondered if my dreams were accurate. The midwife came back in and said that she could give Yavanna certain narcotics that would help her relax and even sleep via i.v.. Thankfully Yavanna declined, however somewhat reluctantly. The midwife said they only offer such narcotics if they think that it will be some long duration before the baby is born, because if the baby comes out while the narcotic is still very active the baby will be "out of it" which is not ideal. We had already decided that we wanted a drug free birth and we are very glad that's how in went. After about 30 minutes of being in the bedroom Yavanna decided to go to the bathroom which ended up being us standing in the hallway outside the bathroom door. Her contractions intensifying to the point of excruciating pain.. I must say that however evident the intensity was, she did very well just moving through them as she would drape herself from my shoulders to relieve her body weight during each contraction and breath in a slow and deep rhythmic breaths. I was amazed how quickly she progressed. It seemed only like a few minutes. It became very clear quickly that she was starting to go in to real labor based on the sounds of intense sensation she was making. I think we shocked the midwifes who were all trying to rest thinking that it was going to be many hours before she was at that state in her birthing. They all came running over and Angela gave her and examination while she was standing in the hallway and sure enough.... only 1 and a half hours since her last examination!... Yavanna was 10 centimeters dilated and totally effaced!! Angela exclaimed, " you are having you baby now if you want to!!" ... Simultaneously, Yavanna felt the urge to push and we slowly moved her to the bedroom and on to the bed. At this point everyone was around us and the midwifes were busy getting all the birthing equipment set up around us.. I was holding Yavanna from behind and we both were half sitting up on the bed. My heart was beating so quickly.. .. This was the moment we had been so anxiously waiting for so long! All I could say is "Breath", "you are doing so good Yavanna!", and finally "we are having our baby now!! " ... Of course Yavanna was like, "can I really do this??!!" .. But with every contraction she pushed with all her might. Her mom, Kendra, who was holding one of her legs started to exclaim after a few strong pushes "Yava, I see the head!!! your baby is coming!!"... At this point, I felt like I was in some alternate universe or trans-dimensional state.. what was happening in front of my eyes was just to incredible to be fully comprehensible... I'm sure the nervous grin on my face was contorted in magnitude.. Things happened so quickly I can barely really recall everything that happened.. After a few major pushes a black haired head emerged and a tiny body followed all in the same push! And quickly the the little body was moved to Yavanna's bosom and a receiving blanket was wrapped around it.. For a moment, only a second or two, all I could her was the sound of my heart and then it was broken by a beautiful cry from the little one.. In awe, I was speechless... Yavanna's gaze was locked on the little red face... All of a sudden it occurred to me that we didn't realize whether or not we had a boy or a girl so I lifted the blanket and sure enough there was his little peepee and scrotum!! I exclaimed with joy to the jaw dropped room full of family and midwives, tears flowing now profusely down my face "It's a boy!!!"... I counted his toes and fingers and looked him up and down... "Perfect!!" ... I told Yavanna how good she did and how much I love her.. It had taken only 8 hours from the time her water broke to the moment Jasper Leo emerged from his womby abode. A perfect birth, and a perfect little boy. Jasper began to make the most beautiful baby sounds I have ever heard, which by the way he has never repeated since this moment, that were like joyous high pitched coooos and ahhhhs... And he stared up at us with his little lavender eyes.. He barely cried.. it seemed as though he was just anxious to celebrate instead of cry over the hard journey he had just made. After a few minutes of crying with Yavanna and admiring our creation, the midwifes took him to clean him up a little and check him out to make sure all was good. I got to cut his umbilical cord after it stopped pulsating.... And he was and individual human suddenly. His own being. Alive and happy. It was one of the most amazing spiritual experiences of my life to witness the creation of my child. To witness the process from conception to birth has changed my appreciation for life and of course my parents, because I now know what they went through with me. I especially have new level of respect for them now that I have become accustomed to waking every 2 hours at night to change dirty diapers. You just will never really understand what it takes to be a parent or what you parents had to do for you until you become one. I couldn't be happier. The world seems complete for me now... As if I have finally stepped in to the shoes of adulthood. For the first time of my life I feel completed.
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